It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
