stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
