I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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