He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
