I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
