can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
