A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
