RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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