ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
