Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize