keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
