Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
