Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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