honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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