we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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