I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
