bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
