she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
