Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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