You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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