nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
