Even water is tasting like jack daniels
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
