thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
