If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
