my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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