I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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