don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
