Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
