You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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