Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
