is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
