What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
