I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
