You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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