I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
