I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
