Already got asked if we're dating
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
