I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
