i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
