Sry I called you an 8
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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