his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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