He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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