Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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