did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
