yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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