May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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