I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize