So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
