can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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