I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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