he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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