I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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