Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
