I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
