ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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