i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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