SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
