I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
