He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
