so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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