Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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