dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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