I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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