I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
