Yo dont text me then not text me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
