If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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