had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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