remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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