so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
