Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had sex on a roof
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
