i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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