I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
