last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
