Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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