I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
