Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
