I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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