so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
