I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
