I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Mom said you looked used
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
