I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's official drugs can't kill me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
